My dearest Mr. Bill,

Firstly, let me thank you deeply for the invite to your dinner party. It warms the heart of an old man like me to know he’s welcome at a festive table.
However, I’m writing to you with grave news!
As I got your letter this morning, I saw two young ruffians prancing around, playing some aggravating tunes from, as the young’uns call it – a Boombox! Understandably, I became very irritated. So, I reached over the fireplace to get my trusty musket and would you have guessed it – the thing was already loaded! It went off with a great big bang and in the shock, I fell on my backside! Oh, how embarrassing! Bah! When I reached the door, the couple of them were already running away. Maybe the bang scared them as well? I tried shouting at them to turn that ghastly noise off, however they just turned the volume up as they ran! Can you imagine it? UP!
Anyway, as the two anklebiters disappeared, an avalanche fell from the mountains above my cottage and buried me under the snow! This is worse than what the Ghost of Christmas Future showed me!
Therefore, as I sit here, flabbergasted, I’m writing you this letter to let you know that I might not be able to attend your exquisite supper.

Humbug!
With a deep regret,

Your friend, Ebenezer S.